I’ve been the proprietor of a mid-century, cut-up-stage fixer-upper home for about six years. My family and I have put some work into the house, leading to painted walls and one unmarried revamped bathroom. Yeah, there are masses left to fix up. A favorite hobby in my marriage is to wander around the residence with my wife and fake like amateur designers, debating the myriad approaches we should use to enhance our dwelling area. Yes, we’re the goal market for Chip and Joanna Gaines’s new home and lifestyle cable channel premiering within the summer season of 2020. And as much as I hate to admit it. I’m likely going to hate-watch the crap out of it.
The Gaines’s earnest, hardworking sweetness is designed to jack into my suburban house owner’s amygdala. Where once I might have watched their show Fixer Upper to be misled about the convenience I ought to buy a domestic with “excellent bones,” now I track in to be misled about the ease of protection. Over and yet again, I watch in awe as the Gaines remodel a hot mess domestic into a modern-day shabby-chick palace with nothing but pluck, a touch shiplap, and a glimmer of sweat on Chip’s forehead. Are there budgets? Sure. But they sound wildly achievable. A dream house might be in my grasp for just a few grand, too.
It’s no longer, though. Unlike the Gaines, I have neither the cash, the time, nor the money to tear down partitions and install new flooring. In truth, I’ve had ripped wallpaper in my kitchen for nearly years and haven’t begun to find time to take it down and paint. What I need in my lifestyle are a good editor and lucrative sponsorship deals, just like Chip and Jo. But it appears like that’s the complete point of the duo’s new network. It’s now not just about home improvement; it’s about existence improvement.
“Whether it’s design and maintenance, cooking, gardening, health, network, entrepreneurialism or relationships, our hope is while you come to our community, it looks like home,” Joanna tweeted.
The idea of the Gaines treating health or relationships inside the way they treat domestic shopping and maintenance strikes me as a strange prospect. At the same time, I’m drawn inexorably by using a perverse desire to observe. Because, like my home, my dating, and frame should constantly use a few paintings. Who’s to say I gained’t get some precise ideas from looking at the Gaines follow their modern-day Christian values, tireless painting ethic, and a generous slathering of L.L. Bean to show a fats slob like myself into a Chip-ish hunk of a family man?
The application line-up for the new community is yet to be introduced, even though it could be the extraordinary home of the Fixer-Upper catalog. And that leaves masses of room for my creativity. For example, I desperately need them to provide an exercise program that is based on the lifting, shifting, and manipulation of shiplap. I want a relationship to display wherein Gaines introduces a pleasant young girl to three one-of-a-kind dudes, every of whom has an expansion of problems they promise her to restore.
“This is Dave,” I can believe Joanna saying. “He has plenty of charm and an extremely good process. However, he’s a practical alcoholic with male-pattern baldness. Still, with a little rehab and a few hair plugs, he will be a splendid catch.”
Of path, that’s unlikely to take place due becausep and Joanna are on the hook to build on a target audience already well-primed for their brand of bland, earth-toned American conventionalism. That’s certainly the promise they provide: normalcy.
And that’s why I’ll, in all likelihood, be tuning in. Because as much as I detest the lie of the Gaines lifestyle, I’m deeply entranced by the Gaines’s idea of normalcy. I want sweet, everyday, healthy kids. I want an unshakeable marriage full of lovable eye-rolling and chaste kisses over homemade lunches. I need a domestic full of textures and brilliant present-day gadgets.
I’ll in no way have that, although, because existence is messy, steeply-priced, and hard, which makes the promise of a channel by Chip and Joanna Gaines one all whole escapism. So I’ll watch, snarking my way through show after show, however, dreaming that my existence could be fixed up as soundly and as flawlessly as a Lubbock ranch house.